Baby Nemote, Formerly Known as Li Ming

I’m not sure if my daughter’s new dolly is named after Nemo the fish or the remote control for the tv. Either way, her baby is saddled with an unconventional name; Nemote. While her name might be odd, she is an absolutely beautiful Chinese baby doll that I got from Precious Baby Dolls.

We gave her to our daughter for her second birthday, and I love this picture of her seeing the doll for the first time. It was love at first sight.

Being an adoptive parent in a multi-cultural family means searching for toys and gifts that have anything but blue eyes and blond hair. I’m sure other adoptive parents can relate. It’s very difficult to find a variety of dolls with authentic features that are high quality and value. The reason I am writing this is two-fold.

First, I want to help out another mom I connected with online. She started her own doll company, and for those of you who know me well, motherhood and small business are two of my greatest passions. The backbone of this country is family and small business; therefore, I love what Mary Beth is trying to do. Plus, she has an awesome name.

The other reason I am writing this article is to pass along how impressed I am with little Nemote. (It just doesn’t have a pretty ring to it, does it?!) She is well made, soft in the body, and durable in the head, arms, and legs. Her eyes and even her hair resemble my daughter, who absolutely loves her. She even wanted to share her glass of water with her, and proceeded to dump a glass of water on poor baby Nemote. Luckily, it didn’t hurt her one bit. We dried her face and the little red outfit didn’t even bleed.

For those of you who shopped for silk doll clothes in China, I have to say this dress is well made and even lined. None of the clothes we bought in China for dolls and barbies were lined.

If your family is multi-cultural like ours, there are many nationities of dolls to select from, and all are made with love. You can see the entire doll collection at http://www.preciousbabydolls.com/ You can follow Mary Beth on Twitter at Twitter.com/adoptedbabies

They also have a cute clip on YouTube:

A Different Kind of Mom

I’m a different kind of mom, and the adventures I’ve been through have changed me. I didn’t realize I wanted to be a mom so badly, until I couldn’t get pregnant. Then, being a mom was all I could think about. For five years I cried myself to sleep, cursed my body, prayed, and longed to hold a baby in my arms. Do you know that feeling? It’s not something that can be truly understood by anyone who has not experienced it.

I’ll admit I was bitter. I was angry and resentful of all the pregnant people around me. I couldn’t rejoice in the babies of friends and relatives. I wish I knew then what a blessing it all was and how special the experience would become.

You see, I am now able to look back and remember the pain in my heart when I talk to someone who is trying to get pregnant and can’t. I can relate on a different level to someone telling her heart-breaking story of infertility. I can rejoice with profound energy and enthusiasm with mothers who have overcome too many obstacles to become mothers. I cry for first time parents finally experiencing their joy.

All of these feelings I have now and the outlook I am able to have is only possible from what I’ve been through. I am a firm believer that when things happen we must grow and find one thing each day to be joyful about. That’s my personal motto: Finding joy everyday. If you know me, I’m a different kind of mom. All three of my girls have a very unique story of landing in my arms. Each took a very long time to get here, but that’s ok. I’m fine with being different.

Affordable Homes

By now we know that most family/home/kid purchases are made by Mom. Mom’s run errands, buy groceries, choose gifts, and watch out for great money saving opportunities. Some moms, like me, are really frugal. It is no surprise that many moms work hard to keep a tight budget. With all that is going on in our economy, keeping our homes affordable is important. If you are like me, understanding all the home buying, refinancing, and other related programs is overwhelming. I don’t have the time that it takes to understand what the various home affordability programs mean for the average family and home buyer. First time home buyer’s or previous owners who have not owned a home in the last 3 years have the opportunity to receive an $8000.00 credit and the time  is running out for this program (deadline is Nov. 30th) Don’t fit into this category? There may be other great options too.

Luckily, one mom, who actually lives across the street for me volunteered to help explain some of this to moms in terms we can understand and answer your questions via email. Maybe these home affordability programs are an option for you, maybe not. Maybe you know someone who’s asked about this, but could really use another mom to explain it. I talked to Melissa Roterdam who is willing to help if you need it. She is a mom, realtor, and Minnesotan with some great connections. Please feel free to email her if you would like some assistance you can trust (mnm@teamroterdam.com ) I know she works closely with Ian McDonald (author of the podcasts mentioned below), whom I also know. He works very hard to make home financing work for the average person. Together, they will help you figure out if you have better, more affordable home options.

Melissa states, “I love to work with first time home buyers educating them on the home buying process and helping them put a team together on their behalf, with help from local professionals. My young clients have said to me “once a mom, always a mom”, because I look out for them like I would my own kids.”

There are  quite a few programs for Rural Development and one is limited to Minnesotans.

According to Melissa, ” I have had clients whom have used this program and it made a world of difference for them in terms of what they could afford and amount of money needed down. It’s a great opportunity if you qualify.”

What’s the harm in finding out? Rural Development programs offer benefits like no down payment, no monthly mortgage insurance and more!

For more information, you can visit Melissa’s website here.  You can also chat with Melissa on Twitter here http://twitter.com/MplsRealtorX2   Melissa recommends these great podcasts that explain the programs and processes located here.

When Motherhood Gets Tough, Go To a Movie

I was recently invited to participate in a phone call with Hollywood movie writer and director, Katherine Diekmann (seen left with her kids) to discuss the soon to be released movie “Motherhood”. With a release date of of October 23, 2009, the buzz around this movie is building as we learn it’s based on realistic motherhood scenarios. Starring Uma Thurman, Anthony Edwards, and Minnie Driver, “Motherhood” looks to be funny and witty mixed with a huge dose of reality.

During the call with Ms. Diekmann, I was surprised at how easily I could relate to her life as a mother. Our lives are worlds apart, yet tied in a special bond that is motherhood. She’s gearing up for the release of her movie, and I’m hoping my frozen lasagna defrosts in time for supper. She packs her kids lunches and send them off to school, and guess what? I do the same thing. Uma Thurman’s kids are school age as well, so most of their kids (cast and crew’s kids) were in school rather than on the set of this movie. They did like to hang out in the snack tent after school, where every snack imaginable was provided for the cast and crew. What kids wouldn’t love that? I know my kids would have to be pried out of there too.

I am excited at the prospect of another interview next week with one of the star actors. While the details are being finalized, I am having fun sharing my excitement with you.  I have yet to see the movie trailer on tv, but I’ve been allowed to post it here for you to take a peek.

Katerine Diekmann is best known for her 2007 movie “Diggers” starring one of my favorites, Paul Rudd.

I have loved watching “Motherhood” leading actress, Uma Thurman, in “Kill Bill”, “Pulp Fiction”, and “The Truth About Cats and Dogs”.

“Motherhood” leading actor, Anthony Edwards, has long been a favorite of mine as Dr. Greene on “ER”, Goose in “Top Gun”, and of course, my own personal cult classics; “The Sure Thing”, “Gotcha”, “Revenge of the Nerds”, and “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”.

Minnie Driver, also starring in “Motherhood”, is best remembered by me in her role in “Good Will Hunting”. For my girls, they loved Minnie in “Ella Enchanted”, which we’ve watched over and over again.

Katherine Diekmann states, “My goal as a filmmaker is to explore the full dimensionality of my characters’ lives with as much humor and empathy as possible, always with an eye to socially real circumstances.” That alone has me planning to schedule a Mom’s Night Out to see this movie and celebrate/commiserate with my friends. After all, I’m snacking on dry fruit loops and writing this post, while my 20 month old stuffs fruit loops and puzzle pieces into my desk drawer.

So, who wants to go see this with me?

What’s That Squeak?

 

Updated Post*

Squeak, Squeak.What’s that noise? It’s not a mouse. It’s not a doggie chew toy. It’s my baby’s shoes. Everywhere I go, people  love my daughter’s shoes and continue to staop and ask me about them. The are called Squeaky Shoes, and they are wildly popular in China. Many adoptive families fall in love with Squeaky Shoes while traveling in China and buy several pairs in various colors, sizes, and styles. I saved the pairs I bought for my older daughter, and added new ones to my baby’s collection.

 

 

 

 

Last spring at baptism, my daughter wore a white Chinese traditional silk top and skirt. She wore her purple flowered, Chinese silk squeaky shoes that make her giggle as she walks.

Most moms want to know where they can get Squeaky Shoes in the US. I recently discovered the site called Got Squeakers?

In case you are wondering, yes, you can remove the “squeak” mechanism temporarily. But, what’s the fun in that?

To my littlest daughter whom I call Bean

It seems like yesterday we were in China meeting you for the first time. I can’t believe almost ten months have passed already. In the short time you’ve been here, you’ve learned to crawl, walk, and talk. You’ve learned to trust both your mom and dad, as well as rely on your sisters for endless entertainment and fulfillment of your every wish. When you smile, you make all of us stop what we are doing to watch your face light up. You laugh a lot, complain little, and can entertain yourself for a long time. Your nature is curious, independent, and easy-going.

Bean, you are such a blessing in our lives. I am so lucky to be your mommy. It makes me sad to know your other mommy is somewhere else, wondering if you are ok; if you’re happy; if you’re loved. I pray that somehow God can bring her peace in her heart. I also hope that through my writing, relationships, and friends, I can help more people open their hearts to adoption and know the special mommy-baby bond like the one I have with you; My little “Bean”.

Blogoshere’s Top Most Interesting People: Kim Webb

Everywhere I go, it seems I run into Kim. She blogs, she tweets, and she has five website businesses. Oh my. Maybe Kim doesn’t sleep? Kim is a mom advocate, encouraging moms who want to work from home to use their ideas and motivation to do so. I connected with Kim on Twitter, and then we started emailing each other.

One of Kim’s websites is Mom Can Work from Home, and she has an online course and optional coaching sessions to help moms discover their talents and turn them into online business opportunities. Through our own company, my husband and I have worked with hundreds of small businesses for the past 14 years, helping them succeed using the Internet, traditional marketing, and now, social marketing. I am always on the lookout for no-nonsense, practical advice to pass along. Kim Webb’s “Mom Can Work From Home” step-by-step program is exactly what is needed by moms considering a work at home adventure. Her practical advice is founded on easy to follow lessons, tailored specifically for moms. Her process will guide moms through the critical decision making process necessary to be successful at home. Kudos to Kim for a fantastic program that will benefit so many moms!

Kim Webb is my next choice for our Blogoshere’s Top Most Interesting People. You can tweet with Kim at www.twitter.com/kimbokarrie or her other Twitter accts: @topmomma @momcanwork @gadbaby

From Mother to Mother

It’s been nearly 10 years since I adopted my daughter, Eleni. Since then, so many things have changed. The adoption restrictions in China have tightened. My “baby” has grown immeasurably, having morphed from a curious, wide-eyed infant into a strong, athletic, confident preteen. I have a decade of parenthood behind me, making me tougher, more compassionate, more forgiving, and more in love than I’ve ever been. I have learned that motherhood is an art, both surprisingly simple and complex.

Shortly after I returned from China, I wrote the essay below. In it, I reflected on Eleni’s birth mother, a woman whom I’d never met. One morning, years ago, she made a decision that would change her life, and my own, forever. While I don’t often find time to think of her lately, I do owe Eleni’s first mother a debt of gratitude. She gave me a child who is hard-wired to be cheerful, resilient, kind, smart, and sporty. I’ve provided the structure, the love, and the opportunity for my daughter to thrive. In a sense, she and I have had a mystical, long-distance partnership that has shaped Eleni into the wonderful child she has become. One decade later, I can simply say to her birth mom, “Thank you. We’ve done great.”

About six months after I returned home from China with my adopted daughter, Eleni, I dreamed of her birth mother. It was a brief dream that allowed me just a glance of a young woman’s face, but it moved me nonetheless. As the adoptive mother of a baby from China, I know little of my daughter’s past. I know that she was born sometime around December 5, 1998, and that several days later, she was abandoned at the gates of the Changsha Social Welfare Institute-a state-run orphanage near the Yangtze River. I know that Eleni, who was named Du Xue Jing by orphanage officials, spent the first months of her life sharing a bamboo crib with another baby and playing in a room filled with colorful mats and toys. And I know that she was given rice and hot milk and was nurtured by a staff of loving caregivers.When I adopted Eleni, at 8 ½ months of age, last summer, it was apparent that she had been cared for. But the question of her family-and the mother who bore her-remained a mystery. Like Eleni, thousands of baby girls are abandoned each year in China, often in the darkness of early morning. Their parents, who must adhere to a one-child-per-family rule, have most likely abandoned them in an effort to conceive a son. (For thousands of years, Chinese sons have been expected to care for their elderly parents, while daughters are expected to marry and care for their husband’s family.)

Because of the situation in China and the circumstances surrounding Eleni’s adoption, I will never know her birth mother, nor will she know me. But as a mother myself now, I can barely imagine the pain and conflict Eleni’s birth mother must have felt when choosing to give up her daughter-or the joy and magic I would have missed if she hadn’t.

A Brooklyn Baby

Eleni, at 17 months, is an integral part of my life now. She toddles around our Brooklyn neighborhood, happily and systematically making friends. She loves the park, her books, and all things American-particularly Cheerios and our TV’s remote control-and she has made it quite clear to everyone that I am her mom. (She began her campaign in earnest with various, expressive forms of “Ma!” soon after we arrived home from China.)

For my part, I marvel at the distinctions-and the similarities-between us. I am 43, with a strong Mediterranean heritage. Eleni, a mere fraction of my age, hails from the province of Hunan. According to the Chinese calendar, I was born in the Year of the Monkey; Eleni is a Tiger through and through. But like me, my daughter is dramatic (I’ve often dubbed her my “Mediter-Asian” girl), and like me, she has a spirit of compassion and adventure. We share the same jokes, an affinity for Pat the Bunny and Goodnight Moon, and a fondness for baseball and pasta. After the months of red tape and bureaucracy that preceded Eleni’s adoption, I find it remarkable that the two of us-kindred spirits-were given to each other in this world.
A Life-Changing Decision

Unlike so many mothers, including my own, I came to motherhood later in life, and on a path that was somewhat circuitous. I was 41 when I decided to adopt a baby from China-on my own. In retrospect, I was driven first and foremost by my desire to become a mother, whether I was married or not. And second, I was moved deeply by the fate of the girls in China.

In the winter of 1998, I began my journey to motherhood. I joined a national support group called Families With Children From China; found an agency that would help me facilitate a Chinese adoption; began the long, convoluted process of collecting personal and official documents that would eventually go to Beijing; reorganized my home for a baby; and did a lot of soul-searching.

Many nights I lay awake wondering whether I was doing the right thing, and pondering whether I had the capacity to be a single mother. I told myself I could always turn back and withdraw my application for adoption, but in my heart I knew my decision had been sealed. In August 1999, I flew to Changsha, China, and after many months of anxious waiting and wondering, I met my baby daughter.
Two Mothers, Two Worlds

So much of what happened during our first days together-in China and in transit-remain a blur to me now, partly because of the emotion I felt and partly because my daughter had fallen ill. About 24 hours after I adopted her, Eleni spiked a 104° fever that lasted two days and began a bout of diarrhea that lingered for nearly two weeks. Her illness turned out to be nothing more than a virus (as I learned upon my return to America), but it presented me with my first test of motherhood. In hotel rooms in Changsha, Guangzhou, and Shanghai, and on a long international flight, I comforted a sleepless baby-and slowly nurtured her back to health.

In the months since Eleni and I have been a family, I have been given even more tests of motherhood. I have stayed up nights when my daughter has been sick or restless. I have fought back tears of exhaustion after a long day of work and baby care. I have agonized over my choice of caregivers. But motherhood, I’m learning, is a process that changes from day to day, as quickly as my growing daughter. It’s a place where I can make mistakes and be forgiven, and a place that offers strength and pride and confidence. And nine months into my role as Eleni’s mom, I can safely say that motherhood has little to do with biology or a shared family tree, and much more to do with the love and experiences that two people share.

On my final day in China last August, I was boarding a flight for New York City. I was tired, relieved, and overcome with emotion. As Eleni lay sleeping in my front pack, a Chinese worker came up to me, placed his hand on my back, and said: “You know, you’re giving her a life.” In hindsight, I believe he was right. Eleni and I share a day-to-day world filled with music, dancing, and laughter. I am there for her when she cries, and when she achieves each momentous milestone. But I know that her life-her destiny-has been shaped, too, by the woman who bore her, and by the decision she made many months ago on a cold December morning in China.

* This article originally appeared in American Baby magazine (May 2000).

Laura Broadwell is a writer and editor in Brooklyn, New York. She has written for national magazines and web sites, and was previously the author of the Single Parent column of Adoptive Families (adoptivefamilies.com). She also wrote “Raising Eleni: An Adoptive Mother’s Journal,” a weekly, year-long column for BabyCenter.com.

My Premmie Baby Story

Moment by Moment – Fiona & Airlie

Nothing can quite prepare you for the day you are told you are going to have a premature baby. For me it was a desperate situation as I was suffering from pre eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome so both my daughter and my life were in danger. I was all but 27 weeks pregnant when it started and within days my precious baby girl was born. My health became increasingly worse but it was a game of how my welfare was managed opposed to my baby girl.

On the night of the 5th January 2006 I thought my life was going to end. It started with a pain high under my ribs. My blood pressure began to elevate and I was given medication but nothing would stop it, the onset was very fast. Everything felt like it was rushing by as I zoned in and out through the pain, it’s hard to put into words. The midwives looking after me were caught off guard. It was your token scene out of a movie with medical staff pulling up the sides of my bed and rushing me to the birthing suite where I was consumed with the pain. Time lapsed between me zoning in and out, the pain was just so bad; I didn’t know what was going on around me. I was given endone, pethidine, morphine and magnesium to control the pain and control my blood pressure as it was reaching the limits where ladies often have seizures and strokes and what is referred to as eclampsia. I was stabilised over night and prepared to have my baby girl early the next morning.

At 9:09am on the 6th Jan 2006 while I lay under a general anaesthetic, a c-section was performed by the amazing doctors and nurses at Royal North Shore Hospital, Sydney. My daughter was born weighing a tiny 861 grams. She measured 35.5cm in length and she had a head circumference of 25.3cm. In laymen’s terms she was the same size as a 600ml water bottle. Due to the risk involved my husband had to wait outside and was given news to visit the NICU after our baby girl was admitted. I was admitted to ICU where I continued to be hypertensive (rising blood pressure). I spent 2 days there with very little recollection of what happened. I do remember my husband bringing me a picture of a tiny baby wrapped in plastic and telling me how a wonderful Chinese lady was caring for our little girl. I spent 6 days in hospital after the birth and the remaining time in accommodation on the hospital grounds.

The first time I met my daughter it was a very surreal moment. I was wheeled in on a bed and the most amazing song Angel by Sarah MacLauchlan was playing softly in the background. A room filled with pod like cribs surrounded me and busily doctors and nurses worked around us yet it felt like we were the only people in the world. She was tiny and fragile but yet an amazing spirit was already evident in my tiny daughter. We chose to name her Airlie as she was as breathtaking and unique as the stunning beach town and also due to us honeymooning there it just fit. We chose Fae in honor of her Great Nan and my mother too.

Over the coming weeks our lives were changed forever. We began to live inside this parallel world which is the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU). Inside NICU’s miracles happen, battles are fought and sadly some are lost and we had no idea which we were going to do.

When I was able to hold Airlie it was the most blissful yet antagonising moments of my life. You question why this has happened to you and want to take her place. You also share in some of the most amazing experiences learning how to become a part of the team that teaches you how to heal and grow your baby. Milestones are different but just as special and when your baby finally hits the 1kg mark or is strong enough to breath on their own it’s like a tiny white light begins to shine from the end of that dark dark tunnel and you begin to believe you may actually go home. Many times my chest was tight with worry and several times I panicked but Airlie was always independent and strong. Royal North Shore NICU Staff always taught us that we were our baby’s advocate. That we should always speak up for her because although they are the professionals we are her parents and we see any tiny change usually before others do.

The life of a NICU family is one that is hard to describe. You live your life moment by moment never looking too far ahead and never having a chance to look back either. We met some amazing people during our time in NICU and many after we left too. Those other parents who experienced the NICU rollercoaster have shared more with us than some of those who have known us our whole lives. I received great support from my husband Adrian, our son Mason who was 5 at the time and my family. But sadly some don’t quite know how to handle a situation like this. Many people don’t send you cards or gifts and very few congratulate you. I always struggled with the lack of support shown by some. Other than my closest family members those who supported me the most were perfect strangers; those who had been through the experience and understood.

While Airlie was in NICU she battled a number of premmie issues like suspect infections, breathing issues, immature lungs, gut and eyes, bilateral inguinal hernia, PDA which is a small but vital duct in a baby’s heart which should close at birth but in premmies sometimes doesn’t so she was medicated but thankfully closed enough not to warrant surgery.

As the staff began to see what Airlie responded to they built her care around this and she began to excel. I expressed every 3 hours for 6 weeks until she was able to fully breastfeed at 2months old. A bottle of water was always beside me to help keep my milk supply up and was a constant reminder of just how far Airlie had come since her early arrival. When Airlie was given expressed breastmilk in a nasal-gastric tube I would give her a dummy hoping that she would soon understand that sucking meant you got a fully tummy. At Airlie’s birth age of 27 weeks gestation (13 weeks early) she was not born with the sucking reflex and most babies do not have this until they are approximately 35 weeks gestation. When Airlie was 32 weeks gestation a nurse heard her sucking on her dummy while being fed so she suggested we start breastfeeding.

At 33 weeks we were transferred to a level 2 local hospital which I found very distressing after being inside a level 3 NICU. The facilities are nowhere the same which took some time to get use to. Between 32 weeks and 35 weeks Airlie began to breastfeed starting at 1 fed a day and building her way up until finally she was fully breastfed.

At 35 weeks gestation or 8 weeks birth age she was discharged weighing 3lb 8ozs. At this time we really found it very hard to find clothing, books, nappies, dummies all those things that are readily available if you have a full term baby. We struggled through but I found it quite distressing when told it wasn’t worth some retailer’s time to stock such products. I also started to see that there was very little support out there for premmie babies and their families and felt something should be done about it.

Airlie went on to grow into one amazing little girl. For the first year of her life she stayed very small. At 8 months old 5 months corrected Airlie did become sick with RSV and spent time in hospital back on oxygen. She was also found to be anaemic so also had a blood transfusion and a large amount of iron over the few months following that. We had several appointments with health professionals like physios, paediatricians and eye doctors. We are also a part of a follow up program with Royal North Shore where they test and collect data on Airlie so they may learn how she develops and also so they can learn better ways in the future to look after premmie babies which we are very proud to do.

At age 1 Airlie was a huge 6.7kg and still wearing 000 clothing (approx size 3month old full term baby) but clearly a giant not in stature but in spirit. We have kept in close contact with our NICU and have returned each year for the NICU Graduate Christmas party and have visited on other occasions to donate items and just say hello. Each year the nurses remember us and are delighted to see the amazing little girl Airlie that they helped grow. Since Airlie’s birth my perspective has changed on a lot of things. I shared some precious time with lots of families, some of whom now have lost their babies. I have promised myself to never be someone who fears saying something so chooses to say nothing at all in any situation.

Please take a little time to watch the movie made for Airlie Fae’s first birthday party. We share lots of pictures of her journey. http://www.momentbymoment.com.au/content/view/27/62/

Author, Fiona Dixon is the driver and inspiration behind Moment by Moment and its sister sites Cafe Prem and Premmie Baby Forum. www.momentbymoment.com.au  www.cafeprem.com.au  and http://premmiebabyforum.momentbymoment.com.auMoment by Moment and sister sites are leading the way in Australia when it comes to providing premature baby clothing, gifts and related premmie products in a supportive and informative environment. The company ships Nationally and World Wide and has many preemie friends around the world.

Moms, Kids, Cell Phones, Parenting, & Problems

Good title, eh? Well, I wanted to call a spade a spade. I didn’t start this article as a rant, but it turned out to be just that. Agree or disagree, this is my take on this cell phone nonsense.

All this press on kids with cell phones, drives me crazy. Yes, we are digital society and things are changing. However, good parenting should not change, nor should healthy behaviors of our youth: Rules, expectations, responsibility, modesty, and respect are just as important today as a hundred years ago. So when I see a story of a young girl and her family featured on the news about her monthly phone bill being hundreds of pages long, I don’t find it funny. I find it scary that parents would exploit this, sending the message this behavior is healthy and acceptable. It’s no wonder that “sexting” or “sextexting” is becoming an issue. Why do all these kids need phones? What happened to “Are Jenny’s parents going to be there? Ok, let me talk to Jenny’s mom…Call me when you get there (i.e. from some sort of phone plugged into a wall)”

In case you are wondering how this would work:

1. Mom or dad asks daughter (or son) where she is going or what her plans are-prior to parting ways in the morning. *Parenting required.

2. Mom or dad sets expectations, prior to said event. *Parenting required.

3. Mom or dad does NOT get interrupted by child via cell phone when child finds in necessary to notify parents of intention *Child respect required.

4. Child is forced to make a plan and be responsible to check with friends about details parents might ask *Child responsibility required.

5. Parent drops child off or child has earned trust to drive to event *Parenting required. *Child responsibility required.

6. Child calls home to let parents know of arrival or any change of plans from phone at location (hint, if child is somewhere there isn’t a phone, probably not somewhere she needs to be) *Child responsibility required

7. Parent needs to be home to answer phone when child checks in and/or make some “spot checks” via phone or driving over to Jenny’s house. *Parenting required.

8. Child talks to Jenny at school, in person, via a phone plugged into a wall, or tin cans held together by a string.

9. In case of travel or appointment where a cell phone would be helpful to the parents, then child borrows mom or dad’s phone to take with if needed. Notice I said needed?

This method has been tested and works. When I was a juvenile probation officer responsible for many teens and pre-teens with disrespectful behavior, the cell phone or pager was the first thing to go. You can’t believe the skills the kids learned about responsibility and follow-through. Parents were held responsible for parenting their child who was getting in trouble. It’s a two way street. Some kids had parents taking an active roll in their lives for the first time EVER and found out how good that can feel (even if they didn’t want to admit it and it was court ordered). I didn’t allow parents to be lazy with expectations and follow-through with their kids. That went out the window when a law was broken and a child’s future in jeopardy.

Next Page »