It’s funny. I have been listening to Steven Curtis Chapman for years, and when we started our first adoption over eight years ago I was acutely aware of their adoption journeys. When tragedy struck a few years ago, and their littlest daughter, Maria died at age five, I was so moved. We were in the process of adopting our second daughter from China when it happened. Since, then the story of their tragedy faded in my mind, and we added our youngest to our family.

About two weeks ago, I was in Bath and Body in Hutchinson when a stranger came up to me and apologized for being too forward, but told me that I really needed to read Mary Beth Chapman’s new book, “Choosing to SEE”. I remember hearing that she wrote a book, but this lady insisted I read it. She told me I would be moved. I bought the book later that week.

I have to say “Choosing to SEE” has not only failed to disappoint, but I haven’t been able to put it down. It is so good that I’m likely to move it to my Best Books Ever Read list, and highly recommend it to others. If you’ve ever been a mom or wife, you will relate. If you’ve been depressed or know someone battling with depression, you’ll gain insight. If you’ve been through the adoption process, you will laugh and cry. It is extremely easy to read, written with such love and devotion.

Check out their website for Adoption Care, called ShowHope.

What are you waiting for? If you are a family or friend reading this, yes, you can borrow my copy! Just Ask.

Guest Post by Kristin Noble: Recently I attended a baby shower where someone videoed little advice tidbits for the expecting couple. It was fun to hear all the advice that was passed around the room. At first I wasn’t overly interested in chiming in, after all, I don’t consider myself mom of the year material. Besides, my son is grown now and things have changed. But you know what? I thought about how my son has turned out and realize I did have something to say!

Let your child experience life. It’s that simple and yet it seems to be so hard! We always want to protect our kids. We don’t want them to get physically or emotionally hurt. While trying to protect our kids is certainly expected sometimes as parents we go a little too far and forget to let our kids still experience what life is about.

Like I said before I certainly am not mom of the year material but I’m proud of what my son has become. It was ok that he got a few bruises jumping his bike. He likes to get dirty and his hands aren’t always perfectly clean when he eats but he never gets sick. He knows how to fix things because he loved tearing them apart. He learned that small scrapes were nothing but cried when the dog died and when his girlfriend broke up with him. He experienced so many joys and sorrows of life!

My son will be 21 soon and as most moms would say the time certainly has gone by but I cherish all the experiences I allowed him. We rode the scariest roller coasters and climbed a rock wall together. We ate all the bad-for-you foods at the state fair until we couldn’t any more. I taught him to drive, do the laundry, balance his checkbook and to sew. I took him to the emergency room a couple times when he broke a bone or needed stitches. I was there when he swore into the military and I was there to say “come back safe” when he went off to war.

It was (and still is) hard sometimes to let my son live his life. I don’t always agree with his decisions but it is his life, not mine. I’m just glad to be sharing his experiences.

photo credit: yto

I’m not sure if my daughter’s new dolly is named after Nemo the fish or the remote control for the tv. Either way, her baby is saddled with an unconventional name; Nemote. While her name might be odd, she is an absolutely beautiful Chinese baby doll that I got from Precious Baby Dolls.

We gave her to our daughter for her second birthday, and I love this picture of her seeing the doll for the first time. It was love at first sight.

Being an adoptive parent in a multi-cultural family means searching for toys and gifts that have anything but blue eyes and blond hair. I’m sure other adoptive parents can relate. It’s very difficult to find a variety of dolls with authentic features that are high quality and value. The reason I am writing this is two-fold.

First, I want to help out another mom I connected with online. She started her own doll company, and for those of you who know me well, motherhood and small business are two of my greatest passions. The backbone of this country is family and small business; therefore, I love what Mary Beth is trying to do. Plus, she has an awesome name.

The other reason I am writing this article is to pass along how impressed I am with little Nemote. (It just doesn’t have a pretty ring to it, does it?!) She is well made, soft in the body, and durable in the head, arms, and legs. Her eyes and even her hair resemble my daughter, who absolutely loves her. She even wanted to share her glass of water with her, and proceeded to dump a glass of water on poor baby Nemote. Luckily, it didn’t hurt her one bit. We dried her face and the little red outfit didn’t even bleed.

For those of you who shopped for silk doll clothes in China, I have to say this dress is well made and even lined. None of the clothes we bought in China for dolls and barbies were lined.

If your family is multi-cultural like ours, there are many nationities of dolls to select from, and all are made with love. You can see the entire doll collection at http://www.preciousbabydolls.com/ You can follow Mary Beth on Twitter at Twitter.com/adoptedbabies

They also have a cute clip on YouTube:

I’m a different kind of mom, and the adventures I’ve been through have changed me. I didn’t realize I wanted to be a mom so badly, until I couldn’t get pregnant. Then, being a mom was all I could think about. For five years I cried myself to sleep, cursed my body, prayed, and longed to hold a baby in my arms. Do you know that feeling? It’s not something that can be truly understood by anyone who has not experienced it.

I’ll admit I was bitter. I was angry and resentful of all the pregnant people around me. I couldn’t rejoice in the babies of friends and relatives. I wish I knew then what a blessing it all was and how special the experience would become.

You see, I am now able to look back and remember the pain in my heart when I talk to someone who is trying to get pregnant and can’t. I can relate on a different level to someone telling her heart-breaking story of infertility. I can rejoice with profound energy and enthusiasm with mothers who have overcome too many obstacles to become mothers. I cry for first time parents finally experiencing their joy.

All of these feelings I have now and the outlook I am able to have is only possible from what I’ve been through. I am a firm believer that when things happen we must grow and find one thing each day to be joyful about. That’s my personal motto: Finding joy everyday. If you know me, I’m a different kind of mom. All three of my girls have a very unique story of landing in my arms. Each took a very long time to get here, but that’s ok. I’m fine with being different.

By now we know that most family/home/kid purchases are made by Mom. Mom’s run errands, buy groceries, choose gifts, and watch out for great money saving opportunities. Some moms, like me, are really frugal. It is no surprise that many moms work hard to keep a tight budget. With all that is going on in our economy, keeping our homes affordable is important. If you are like me, understanding all the home buying, refinancing, and other related programs is overwhelming. I don’t have the time that it takes to understand what the various home affordability programs mean for the average family and home buyer. First time home buyer’s or previous owners who have not owned a home in the last 3 years have the opportunity to receive an $8000.00 credit and the time  is running out for this program (deadline is Nov. 30th) Don’t fit into this category? There may be other great options too.

Luckily, one mom, who actually lives across the street for me volunteered to help explain some of this to moms in terms we can understand and answer your questions via email. Maybe these home affordability programs are an option for you, maybe not. Maybe you know someone who’s asked about this, but could really use another mom to explain it. I talked to Melissa Roterdam who is willing to help if you need it. She is a mom, realtor, and Minnesotan with some great connections. Please feel free to email her if you would like some assistance you can trust (mnm@teamroterdam.com ) I know she works closely with Ian McDonald (author of the podcasts mentioned below), whom I also know. He works very hard to make home financing work for the average person. Together, they will help you figure out if you have better, more affordable home options.

Melissa states, “I love to work with first time home buyers educating them on the home buying process and helping them put a team together on their behalf, with help from local professionals. My young clients have said to me “once a mom, always a mom”, because I look out for them like I would my own kids.”

There are  quite a few programs for Rural Development and one is limited to Minnesotans.

According to Melissa, ” I have had clients whom have used this program and it made a world of difference for them in terms of what they could afford and amount of money needed down. It’s a great opportunity if you qualify.”

What’s the harm in finding out? Rural Development programs offer benefits like no down payment, no monthly mortgage insurance and more!

For more information, you can visit Melissa’s website here.  You can also chat with Melissa on Twitter here http://twitter.com/MplsRealtorX2   Melissa recommends these great podcasts that explain the programs and processes located here.

I was recently invited to participate in a phone call with Hollywood movie writer and director, Katherine Diekmann (seen left with her kids) to discuss the soon to be released movie “Motherhood”. With a release date of of October 23, 2009, the buzz around this movie is building as we learn it’s based on realistic motherhood scenarios. Starring Uma Thurman, Anthony Edwards, and Minnie Driver, “Motherhood” looks to be funny and witty mixed with a huge dose of reality.

During the call with Ms. Diekmann, I was surprised at how easily I could relate to her life as a mother. Our lives are worlds apart, yet tied in a special bond that is motherhood. She’s gearing up for the release of her movie, and I’m hoping my frozen lasagna defrosts in time for supper. She packs her kids lunches and send them off to school, and guess what? I do the same thing. Uma Thurman’s kids are school age as well, so most of their kids (cast and crew’s kids) were in school rather than on the set of this movie. They did like to hang out in the snack tent after school, where every snack imaginable was provided for the cast and crew. What kids wouldn’t love that? I know my kids would have to be pried out of there too.

I am excited at the prospect of another interview next week with one of the star actors. While the details are being finalized, I am having fun sharing my excitement with you.  I have yet to see the movie trailer on tv, but I’ve been allowed to post it here for you to take a peek.

Katerine Diekmann is best known for her 2007 movie “Diggers” starring one of my favorites, Paul Rudd.

I have loved watching “Motherhood” leading actress, Uma Thurman, in “Kill Bill”, “Pulp Fiction”, and “The Truth About Cats and Dogs”.

“Motherhood” leading actor, Anthony Edwards, has long been a favorite of mine as Dr. Greene on “ER”, Goose in “Top Gun”, and of course, my own personal cult classics; “The Sure Thing”, “Gotcha”, “Revenge of the Nerds”, and “Fast Times at Ridgemont High”.

Minnie Driver, also starring in “Motherhood”, is best remembered by me in her role in “Good Will Hunting”. For my girls, they loved Minnie in “Ella Enchanted”, which we’ve watched over and over again.

Katherine Diekmann states, “My goal as a filmmaker is to explore the full dimensionality of my characters’ lives with as much humor and empathy as possible, always with an eye to socially real circumstances.” That alone has me planning to schedule a Mom’s Night Out to see this movie and celebrate/commiserate with my friends. After all, I’m snacking on dry fruit loops and writing this post, while my 20 month old stuffs fruit loops and puzzle pieces into my desk drawer.

So, who wants to go see this with me?

Updated Post*

Squeak, Squeak.What’s that noise? It’s not a mouse. It’s not a doggie chew toy. It’s my baby’s shoes. Everywhere I go, people  love my daughter’s shoes and continue to staop and ask me about them. The are called Squeaky Shoes, and they are wildly popular in China. Many adoptive families fall in love with Squeaky Shoes while traveling in China and buy several pairs in various colors, sizes, and styles. I saved the pairs I bought for my older daughter, and added new ones to my baby’s collection.

Last spring at baptism, my daughter wore a white Chinese traditional silk top and skirt. She wore her purple flowered, Chinese silk squeaky shoes that make her giggle as she walks.

Most moms want to know where they can get Squeaky Shoes in the US. I recently discovered the site called Got Squeakers?

In case you are wondering, yes, you can remove the “squeak” mechanism temporarily. But, what’s the fun in that?

It seems like yesterday we were in China meeting you for the first time. I can’t believe almost ten months have passed already. In the short time you’ve been here, you’ve learned to crawl, walk, and talk. You’ve learned to trust both your mom and dad, as well as rely on your sisters for endless entertainment and fulfillment of your every wish. When you smile, you make all of us stop what we are doing to watch your face light up. You laugh a lot, complain little, and can entertain yourself for a long time. Your nature is curious, independent, and easy-going.

Bean, you are such a blessing in our lives. I am so lucky to be your mommy. It makes me sad to know your other mommy is somewhere else, wondering if you are ok; if you’re happy; if you’re loved. I pray that somehow God can bring her peace in her heart. I also hope that through my writing, relationships, and friends, I can help more people open their hearts to adoption and know the special mommy-baby bond like the one I have with you; My little “Bean”.

Everywhere I go, it seems I run into Kim. She blogs, she tweets, and she has five website businesses. Oh my. Maybe Kim doesn’t sleep? Kim is a mom advocate, encouraging moms who want to work from home to use their ideas and motivation to do so. I connected with Kim on Twitter, and then we started emailing each other.

One of Kim’s websites is Mom Can Work from Home, and she has an online course and optional coaching sessions to help moms discover their talents and turn them into online business opportunities. Through our own company, my husband and I have worked with hundreds of small businesses for the past 14 years, helping them succeed using the Internet, traditional marketing, and now, social marketing. I am always on the lookout for no-nonsense, practical advice to pass along. Kim Webb’s “Mom Can Work From Home” step-by-step program is exactly what is needed by moms considering a work at home adventure. Her practical advice is founded on easy to follow lessons, tailored specifically for moms. Her process will guide moms through the critical decision making process necessary to be successful at home. Kudos to Kim for a fantastic program that will benefit so many moms!

Kim Webb is my next choice for our Blogoshere’s Top Most Interesting People. You can tweet with Kim at www.twitter.com/kimbokarrie or her other Twitter accts: @topmomma @momcanwork @gadbaby

It’s been nearly 10 years since I adopted my daughter, Eleni. Since then, so many things have changed. The adoption restrictions in China have tightened. My “baby” has grown immeasurably, having morphed from a curious, wide-eyed infant into a strong, athletic, confident preteen. I have a decade of parenthood behind me, making me tougher, more compassionate, more forgiving, and more in love than I’ve ever been. I have learned that motherhood is an art, both surprisingly simple and complex.

Shortly after I returned from China, I wrote the essay below. In it, I reflected on Eleni’s birth mother, a woman whom I’d never met. One morning, years ago, she made a decision that would change her life, and my own, forever. While I don’t often find time to think of her lately, I do owe Eleni’s first mother a debt of gratitude. She gave me a child who is hard-wired to be cheerful, resilient, kind, smart, and sporty. I’ve provided the structure, the love, and the opportunity for my daughter to thrive. In a sense, she and I have had a mystical, long-distance partnership that has shaped Eleni into the wonderful child she has become. One decade later, I can simply say to her birth mom, “Thank you. We’ve done great.”

About six months after I returned home from China with my adopted daughter, Eleni, I dreamed of her birth mother. It was a brief dream that allowed me just a glance of a young woman’s face, but it moved me nonetheless. As the adoptive mother of a baby from China, I know little of my daughter’s past. I know that she was born sometime around December 5, 1998, and that several days later, she was abandoned at the gates of the Changsha Social Welfare Institute-a state-run orphanage near the Yangtze River. I know that Eleni, who was named Du Xue Jing by orphanage officials, spent the first months of her life sharing a bamboo crib with another baby and playing in a room filled with colorful mats and toys. And I know that she was given rice and hot milk and was nurtured by a staff of loving caregivers.When I adopted Eleni, at 8 ½ months of age, last summer, it was apparent that she had been cared for. But the question of her family-and the mother who bore her-remained a mystery. Like Eleni, thousands of baby girls are abandoned each year in China, often in the darkness of early morning. Their parents, who must adhere to a one-child-per-family rule, have most likely abandoned them in an effort to conceive a son. (For thousands of years, Chinese sons have been expected to care for their elderly parents, while daughters are expected to marry and care for their husband’s family.)

Because of the situation in China and the circumstances surrounding Eleni’s adoption, I will never know her birth mother, nor will she know me. But as a mother myself now, I can barely imagine the pain and conflict Eleni’s birth mother must have felt when choosing to give up her daughter-or the joy and magic I would have missed if she hadn’t.

A Brooklyn Baby

Eleni, at 17 months, is an integral part of my life now. She toddles around our Brooklyn neighborhood, happily and systematically making friends. She loves the park, her books, and all things American-particularly Cheerios and our TV’s remote control-and she has made it quite clear to everyone that I am her mom. (She began her campaign in earnest with various, expressive forms of “Ma!” soon after we arrived home from China.)

For my part, I marvel at the distinctions-and the similarities-between us. I am 43, with a strong Mediterranean heritage. Eleni, a mere fraction of my age, hails from the province of Hunan. According to the Chinese calendar, I was born in the Year of the Monkey; Eleni is a Tiger through and through. But like me, my daughter is dramatic (I’ve often dubbed her my “Mediter-Asian” girl), and like me, she has a spirit of compassion and adventure. We share the same jokes, an affinity for Pat the Bunny and Goodnight Moon, and a fondness for baseball and pasta. After the months of red tape and bureaucracy that preceded Eleni’s adoption, I find it remarkable that the two of us-kindred spirits-were given to each other in this world.
A Life-Changing Decision

Unlike so many mothers, including my own, I came to motherhood later in life, and on a path that was somewhat circuitous. I was 41 when I decided to adopt a baby from China-on my own. In retrospect, I was driven first and foremost by my desire to become a mother, whether I was married or not. And second, I was moved deeply by the fate of the girls in China.

In the winter of 1998, I began my journey to motherhood. I joined a national support group called Families With Children From China; found an agency that would help me facilitate a Chinese adoption; began the long, convoluted process of collecting personal and official documents that would eventually go to Beijing; reorganized my home for a baby; and did a lot of soul-searching.

Many nights I lay awake wondering whether I was doing the right thing, and pondering whether I had the capacity to be a single mother. I told myself I could always turn back and withdraw my application for adoption, but in my heart I knew my decision had been sealed. In August 1999, I flew to Changsha, China, and after many months of anxious waiting and wondering, I met my baby daughter.
Two Mothers, Two Worlds

So much of what happened during our first days together-in China and in transit-remain a blur to me now, partly because of the emotion I felt and partly because my daughter had fallen ill. About 24 hours after I adopted her, Eleni spiked a 104° fever that lasted two days and began a bout of diarrhea that lingered for nearly two weeks. Her illness turned out to be nothing more than a virus (as I learned upon my return to America), but it presented me with my first test of motherhood. In hotel rooms in Changsha, Guangzhou, and Shanghai, and on a long international flight, I comforted a sleepless baby-and slowly nurtured her back to health.

In the months since Eleni and I have been a family, I have been given even more tests of motherhood. I have stayed up nights when my daughter has been sick or restless. I have fought back tears of exhaustion after a long day of work and baby care. I have agonized over my choice of caregivers. But motherhood, I’m learning, is a process that changes from day to day, as quickly as my growing daughter. It’s a place where I can make mistakes and be forgiven, and a place that offers strength and pride and confidence. And nine months into my role as Eleni’s mom, I can safely say that motherhood has little to do with biology or a shared family tree, and much more to do with the love and experiences that two people share.

On my final day in China last August, I was boarding a flight for New York City. I was tired, relieved, and overcome with emotion. As Eleni lay sleeping in my front pack, a Chinese worker came up to me, placed his hand on my back, and said: “You know, you’re giving her a life.” In hindsight, I believe he was right. Eleni and I share a day-to-day world filled with music, dancing, and laughter. I am there for her when she cries, and when she achieves each momentous milestone. But I know that her life-her destiny-has been shaped, too, by the woman who bore her, and by the decision she made many months ago on a cold December morning in China.

* This article originally appeared in American Baby magazine (May 2000).

Laura Broadwell is a writer and editor in Brooklyn, New York. She has written for national magazines and web sites, and was previously the author of the Single Parent column of Adoptive Families (adoptivefamilies.com). She also wrote “Raising Eleni: An Adoptive Mother’s Journal,” a weekly, year-long column for BabyCenter.com.