We had briefly considered adoption when we were having trouble conceiving our first child. Fortunately, the doctors were able to figure out what was causing the infertility, we were treated, and then had two boys. I still did not feel like my family was complete.I always felt people who adopted so they could have a child of one specific gender were adopting for the wrong reasons. Then I stepped into their shoes. You see, there are no women in my family. My grandmothers and my husband’s grandmothers are all gone. My mother-in-law is gone. My only aunt on my dad’s side is gone. My husband only has one, mentally handicapped sister who is incapable of having an adult social relationship with other adults. My only brother is unmarried. I have three female first cousins. Two live out of the country and the third is four hours away. My mom is still alive, but is in remission from cancer. Here I was, hosting Christmas and Thanksgiving already in my 20s, when my friends were still going to the GRANDmothers’ houses for these holidays. I’d be all by myself in the kitchen, with no one to talk to because the guys were all watching TV.

I don’t believe in rigging a test tube to get a baby of one particular gender. I also felt that if I had a third biological boy, I might have negative feelings about it and that most certainly wouldn’t be fair to that child.

I knew that I did not want to adopt domestically. I’m well aware of the shortage of adoptable infants in this country and I didn’t want to “take” an available child from someone who couldn’t have children at all.

One day I went to a MOPS meeting and one of the gals said she was going to adopt a baby girl from China. This was the time when the world was still talking about the horrors of Chinese orphanages. I believe there was a documentary called “The Dying Rooms” that started all of this. This woman told me about little girls who were unwanted and spent their days wasting away strapped to potty chairs. Thousands of little girls seemed to be in dire need of homes. My heart was broken.

I did some research and found out that adopting from China meant spending two weeks in the country. I’m NOT a fan of travel to exotic locations. I have a very sensitive stomach and thought I’d get sick. I’m NOT a fan of sitting on long flights. I didn’t think I could handle the travel.

The day after Thanksgiving, 2004, I was having lunch with my mom and a friend and told them I had been thinking about adoption from China. They strongly encouraged me to do it and offered their support.

I decided I was being a wimp and could handle two weeks in China. My husband was completely on board and needed no convincing whatsoever.

We began the process of selecting an agency. We wanted a Christian agency with an office a reasonable drive from our home in “the sticks.” We had a good feeling about Bethany and had friends who had had a successful foreign adoption experience with them. We chose Bethany.

We began the interview/paperwork process in March, 2005. We took our time with our paperwork. At the time, the wait from sending in your dossier to referral was only about six months. Our youngest was only a year old. We didn’t want two children that close together in age. So, we finally sent in our paperwork in November of that year. Our dossier entered the Chinese adoption system on Jan. 5, 2006. By that time, the wait had jumped to one year. We expected to get the baby in Dec. of 2006.

Little did we know, but Chinese adoptions were beginning their great slowdown. I believe it was March of 2007 when China only matched infants with families for two days’ worth of Log in Dates. I cracked. I cried and thought we would never get our baby. Because we still lived 100 mi. from our agency, I was unable to attend any waiting families support group meetings. I turned to our agency’s online forums for support. I also found two websites giving updates on the process of matching in China and followed them religiously. Our paperwork expired once and we had to pay several hundred dollars to renew it. Our fingerprints expired three times. China jacked up their orphanage donations by $2,000. We considered pulling out of the program and changing countries, but figured we were too far along in the process.

Finally, we received a referral for a little girl on 4/4/08. It didn’t seem to be real. I was actually in denial for a long time because The Wait had become so much a part of our lives, I didn’t know how to live without The Wait.

We traveled with a group of five families to China in June of 2008. Five families was a far cry from the 17 or so families who used to make the trip. This was a sign of China’s adoption slowdown. Other parents I spoke with in our travel group were also in denial about the whole thing. We didn’t want to think this was really happening because we’d been through so much already. I wouldn’t let myself get too excited until I actually got that baby.

Cami Now, Easter 2009

On June 16, 2008 I was presented with my beautiful 9 1/2 mo. old daughter. It was a good thing our agency told us the babies might not like us at first because did she ever scream. She screamed for three days straight. I told my husband I didn’t think I could go through with this, but he told me I was being ridiculous. Our seasoned guide told us two things: 1. The smart babies are the ones who cry. 2. After three days she’ll be a different baby.

Both my husband and our guide were right. On the third day, Cami woke up happy and acted as if nothing had happened. We enjoyed the remainder of our time in China.

One of my early fears, did come true, unfortunately. I picked up a horrible stomach bug the morning we left China. I drugged myself with Imodium and lived on Sprite in order to survive the plane flight. Fortunately, we had given the baby Benadryl and she slept most of the way home. I was sick for three weeks after we got home and my weight dwindled to 102 lbs. We had many tests done, and all they could conclude was “Asian virus.” Cami didn’t adjust to the time change and didn’t want to sleep at night. Our friends basically stayed out of our way. I believe it was either because they thought we wanted to be alone, or they did not view adoption the same as a birth. I hit a very low low.

Things did slowly improve. The international adoption community in our area got wind of the situation after two weeks and began bringing meals and offering to watch our boys.

God is so good. Cami is not without her issues. She still wakes up once per night. She’s lactose intolerant, and she still drools vast amounts at 19 mo. of age. She is a happy baby, and like our guide predicted, her intelligence astounds me. She seems to have no major attachment issues. She is tall and healthy. She is the perfect baby for our family.

I realized that our long wait was all part of God’s plan. Our boys are very high maintenance and if we would have gotten Cami when I wanted Cami, things would have been much more difficult. By the time we got her, our youngest was four. The age span was perfect.

I struggle with some guilt over all of this. At the time we started the adoption, there seemed to be thousands of babies needing homes. Now the referral of non-special needs children has dwindled almost to nothingness. I sometimes feel as if I “took” a healthy, available baby from a family who cannot have children.

I tell everyone I know today that I would not adopt from China today unless I were considering a special needs child. The wait may be eight years or more, and I don’t think there’s anybody who would honestly want
to wait that long. Unfortunately, there are so many people in the dark about the situation over there. They start the process believing they will only wait as long as those receiving their child TODAY waited. They are unaware that the wait increases by 20 days with each month that passes. Even though it’s probably none of my business, I feel it’s my responsibility to inform them what’s going on since some agencies unfortunately aren’t doing that. I am sad for them.

Adoption is a long, emotional journey. But, God is with you, He knows the ultimate plan for your family and it will all work out in the end.